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March 31, 2006  I was aware of the Gor series of fantasy books mainly through the impossibly cheesy pair of late 80s Cannon movies that were adapted from them. But only recently have I become aware of the people who call themselves Goreans who are obsessed with the world depicted in the books. March 26, 2006  I've finally gotten around to listening to Yo-Yo Ma Plays Ennio Morricone, a wonderful CD that Sony Classical released a little over a year ago. Ennio is the composer of a million incredible film scores, including all the groundbreaking music for the Sergio Leone westerns of the 60s like A Fistful of Dollars and The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. He is also known for his uniquely stylish elegiac mode, which includes soaring themes like "Gabriel's Oboe" from The Mission and the theme from Once Upon a Time in the West. This CD is not just an album of Yo-Yo Ma covering Ennio themes; rather, Ennio re-orchestrated and conducted his own pieces with an orchestra in Rome. The result is that the music retains its orchestral texture and sonic character, and now features breathtakingly gorgeous cello solos. Highlights include the aforementioned pieces as well as the "Death Theme" from The Untouchables. Highly recommended, and Sony even released a 5.1 SACD version. Not so highly recommended is Napster to Go, a subscription music service that is somehow supposed to represent the future of music purchasing. After my old MP3 player, which did not support subscription services, started functioning erratically when I dropped it in a puddle, I decided it was time to upgrade. So I bought the hot-off-the-presses Samsung Z5, an iPod Nano rip-off that plays Windows Media files, etc. The idea of subscription music services is that you can download and switch out as many tracks as you want on the player without paying anything extra above the subscription fee, which is $14.95 a month. For those of us who buys tons of music, it should be a great deal. (You are not allowed, however, to burn these downloaded tracks to a CD.) In any event, the first time I loaded up the player, it worked perfectly and I filled it up with a bunch of subscription tracks. But when I went to put more tracks on it, it didn't work. It took two days to get a tech support reply, the canned nature of which indicated to me that my problem was not isolated. After following a series of complicated steps, I was able to put more tracks on the player, but only after erasing the other ones. Then, it worked for two days ... and stopped working again. It went back to the store yesterday and my Napster to Go trial got cancelled. Trust me, this technology is not ready for prime time. March 24, 2006  In this frightening look at the domestic abuse charges against David Hasselhoff, the key passage is: "David told me that he was going to break through my security gate, drive his car through the house, beat the door down and go into the house and take all of my jewelry and sell it." Clearly, his ex-wife has been watching too much Knight Rider. March 16, 2006
Apparently a small candy factory just a few blocks from the house I grew up in was the victim of a large fire today, which led to the rather apocalyptic result of "chocolate running through the streets."
March 14, 2006  Please check out this lengthy review of the essential Vanilla Ice film Cool as Ice. Although the review mostly states the obvious, it will allow you to experience some of the wonders of this film. I have a very fond memory of seeing a midnight show of Cool as Ice at the Nuart in West L.A. sometime in 2002. At that showing, which was nearly sold out, two guys decked out in orange jumpsuits showed up and did some very fly moves straight outta 1991 to the delight of the audience. Also, having seen bootleg DVDs of this at an underground video store in New York, I think a quality presentation of this film is long overdue. March 09, 2006
In the treasure trove that is M.C. Hammer's blog, we currently have an open letter to Barry Bonds urging him to ignore the media "bloodhounds" as well as a very illuminating look at Hammer's workout regimen: "My calves and thighs are most important for the hot moves out today." This is not a joke.
March 06, 2006
As the pithy blog Soul of Star Trek notes, James Doohan was left off the memorial montage of celebrities at the Oscars last night. DeForest Kelley was also omitted at the 1999 Oscars.
Speaking of which, as everyone knows by now, the ceremony was terrible. Jon Stewart was only passable, hamstrung by a stodgy, dated format and incoherent production. "Crash" is not a best picture, but then again, neither was "Shakespeare in Love." The canned clip montages were disastrous, and even worse were the completely inept scripted exaltations of the glories of theatergoing, prompted by a year in which bad movies, 30 minutes of previews and commercials, dim bulbs and $10 ticket prices finally started to take their toll. March 04, 2006
So with the impending release of Basic Instinct 2, I've been traveling down memory lane, fondly recalling the Joe Eszterhas glory days of the mid-90s. The world is definitely a better place because Joe Eszterhas movies exist. (The question of whether Sharon Stone looks too wrecked to appear in an erotic thriller in 2006 is, however, still very much open.) Primarily, we had Jade, Sliver, and Showgirls, three movies that sent critics' heads spinning. These movies, however, have stood some sort of test of time with their own twisted--albeit almost unwatchable--beauty. (A discussion of the tidal wave of bad non-Eszterhas Basic Instinct rip-offs from the 90s--Guilty As Sin, Malice, Color of Night, Consenting Adults, Body of Evidence--will have to wait for another day.)
The world has not been so kind to fans of Jade. The movie, which was part of the monumentally unsuccessful year-long big-screen roll-out of David Caruso after he left NYPD Blue, completely bombed in its initial release. Although Paramount put out a 13-minute-longer director's version on VHS, the DVD is full screen and only the theatrical cut, hardly the presentation you'd want for an overproduced, would-be sleek thriller. However, I've watched both cuts within the last week and am happy to report that all the things that made me laugh in 1995 are still funny 11 years later. We've got every possible Eszterhas cliche, from respectable high-society wife Linda Fiorentino turning out to be a high-priced callgirl, to Richard Crenna as the governor of California appearing in ineptly photoshopped blackmail photos with Angie Everhart. (click for the best soundbite from the film) The movie is completely useless as a thriller, as it turns out that several different people did the murders, so guessing who the killer is won't help. Also, much like Sliver, the actual perpetrators are obvious from near the beginning of the movie. It's a bold new vision of the screen mystery when your prime red herring character actually turns out to be the killer. As an exercise in pointless style and/or a comedy, the movie succeeds, if only because William Friedkin, evidently still convinced he's directing The Exorcist, gives us hilarious split-second "subliminal" jump cuts and overblown line readings that make the audience laugh out loud. I can't decide whether the theatrical cut, which is incomprehensible at 94 minutes, is improved by the 13 extra minutes of the VHS version. It certainly explains some of the more inexplicable things about the theatrical version, but do we really want more exposition in this movie? Bonus points go to whatever music editor tracked in the ridiculous music, including lengthy passages from Stravinsky's "The Rite of Spring," the Enigma-esque stylings of Loreena McKennitt, and a chintzy last-second score by James Horner. |